Chapter 24

Chapter 24836 wordsCompleted

Mrs Beast opens by cataloguing legendary female faces she carries in her gaze—Helen, Cleopatra, Queen of Sheba, Juliet, Nefertiti, the Mona Lisa, Garbo—then pivots to the Little Mermaid’s betrayal and declares that “the sex is better” with a Beast. She arrives at the House of the Beast as a self‑possessed woman with her own money and “black horse” ready to flee at a bad word. The Beast kneels at the door, kisses her glove with “mongrel lips,” shows blood‑shot eyes, and unabashedly displays a massive erection “size of a mule’s.” She uncorks a 1954 Château Margaux, watches him strip his muslin shirt and corduroys, revealing a pelt “ugly as sin,” goat‑like breath, and animal sounds. She issues commands—“Do this. Harder. Do that. Faster”—while describing the Beast’s various animal parts (snout, claws, leather tongue, bull‑like head) and the pig that now shares her bed, noting his filthy but dutiful habits.

The narrative shifts to the Beast’s secret poker nights. The table includes the Woman who Married a Minotaur, Goldilocks, the Bride of the Bearded Lesbian, Frau Yellow Dwarf, and Mrs Beast herself. She details the games played (Five‑and‑Seven Stud, Sidewinder, Hold ’Em, Draw) and focuses on an especially high‑stakes hand: Frau Yellow Dwarf holds the Queen of Clubs, the Bride of the Bearded Lesbian the Queen of Spades; the final card is a queen for each. Both raise repeatedly; Goldilocks watches hungrily; the Minotaur’s wife lights a cheroot. Frau’s hand trembles as she places chips; the Bride raises a final time, stares intensely, then calls. Frau calls back. The Bride flips her hand—aces of diamonds, hearts, and the “pubic Ace of Spades”—showing she never bluffed.

Mrs Beast then lists an entire line of ghostly wives and heroines who cannot win: Eve, Ashputtel, Marilyn Monroe, Rapunzel, Bessie Smith, Bluebeard’s wives, Henry VIII’s wives, Snow White, Diana, Princess of Wales. The Beast brings a tray of schnapps; the group toasts Fay Wray, drinks the fiery concoction, and the “bad girls” and “serious ladies” mourn their dead. Upstairs, alone on a cold balcony, Mrs Beast strings a rosary of Mary’s tears, prays with pearls, describes the moon as a hand‑mirror breathed on by a queen, and her breath as a chiffon scarf for a ghost. She commands: “Bring me the Beast for the night. Bring me the wine‑cellar key. Let the less‑loving one be me.”