The John Muir Trail, Sierra Nevada

Chapter 28893 wordsCompleted

After a work trip brings the narrator to California, she travels to the Mammoth Lakes area where the John Muir Trail meets the Pacific Crest Trail. She learns that permits are usually sold out six months in advance, but a no‑show leaves one permit available when she arrives in the mid‑afternoon. She purchases a bear canister, thrift‑store ski pants, a beanie, and a headlamp, then heads into the backcountry alone, feeling both overwhelmed and underprepared.

For four days she hikes between Ediza Lake, Shadow Lake, Iceberg Lake, and Thousand Island Lake, pitching her tent at the end of each day. She cooks simple gruel on a camp stove, stores her food in the bear canister 100 m from camp, and performs a ritual bathing in various alpine streams before sleeping. While alone in her tent she listens for bears and avalanches, but mostly hears silence. She brings Joan Didion’s essay collection Slouching Toward Bethlehem and reads the essay “Goodbye to All That,” which triggers reflections on her recent decision to terminate a pregnancy and sever the “social contract” of motherhood.

On the second night she layers two sets of thermals, thrift‑store ski pants, possum‑fur socks acquired in New Zealand, and a second‑hand beanie with a headlamp, and continues her nocturnal bathroom trips under a sky of falling stars. She notes a recurring pattern in her hikes of “almighty, life‑about‑facing epiphanies” and feels self‑conscious about using them as literary devices, yet affirms that such moments do occur in wilderness.

At the end of the trek she returns the bear canister to the park office and notices a John Muir quote printed on a writing journal: “Thousands of tired, nerve‑shaken, over‑civilized people are beginning to find out that going to the mountains is going home; that wildness is a necessity.” The next day she drives back to Los Angeles, listens to a podcast where Krista Tippett interviews Teju Cole, who expands James Baldwin’s “woke” line into a claim that being relatively conscious today means living in a constant state of rage. Cole adds that this rage is paired with quiet sorrow and uncertainty, which he describes as an “anteroom” before reaching a solution or “home.”