CHAPTER 17 - An Unquiet Day
On Friday morning, the day after the infamous seance, almost all Variety staff – accountants, typists, box‑office clerks, ushers, messengers, and cleaners – are gathered on the windowsill, watching a massive two‑row queue that stretches from Sadovaya to Kudrinskaya Square. The crowd, inflamed by rumors of the “black‑magic” seance, includes many scalpers and agitates passersby. By ten o’clock the police dispatch foot and mounted units to control the half‑mile‑long line.
Inside the Variety, telephones ring nonstop in the offices of Likhodeev, Rimsky, the bookkeeper, the box office, and Varenukha. Answers are given, but no one can locate the director, deputy director, or administrator. A cleaning woman reports finding the deputy director’s office doors open, lights on, a broken garden window, and an armchair on the floor, but nobody inside.
Madame Rimsky bursts in sobbing; Vassily, overwhelmed, reports to the police that the theatre’s senior management has vanished, that the master of ceremonies was taken to a psychiatric hospital, and that the seance was a scandal. The police examine the scene; a muscular ash‑coloured dog, later identified as Ace of Diamonds, darts into the deputy director’s office, growls, jumps onto a broken window‑sill, howls, and then is taken outside and released, leading the officers out to a cab stand before disappearing.
The investigation moves to Varenukha’s office, where staff are summoned one by one. The missing contract for the magician cannot be found in any bookkeeping records, nor in the offices of Likhodeev, Varenukha, or the deputy director. Names are debated; the staff oscillate between “Woland” and “Faland,” but no definitive answer emerges. Various suspects – the magician supposedly staying in Likhodeev’s apartment, the housekeeper, the chairman Nikanor Ivanovich, and others – are all absent.
A cardboard sign announcing “Today’s Show Cancelled” is posted, the queue dissolves, and Vassily receives two urgent orders: to report the previous night’s events to the Commission on Spectacles and Entertainment of the Lighter Type, and to turn over the day’s receipts (21,711 roubles) to the Finspectacle sector. He wraps the money in newspaper, secures it with string, and heads for a cab stand. Three cab drivers refuse him; after a tense exchange in which the drivers demand exact change, they finally accept his money and drive him away.
Arriving at the Commission, Vassily encounters a chaotic scene. A messenger girl rushes past, shouting nonsense. The manager of the first sector appears, but is unrecognizable and flees. Vassily reaches the secretary’s room, where he finds the chairman Prokhor Petrovich’s personal secretary, Anna Richardovna, in a state of hysteria, covered in lipstick and mascara. She drags Vassily into the chairman’s office, where an empty, neck‑tied suit sits at a massive desk, its pen dry, its necktie hanging, but with no head, hands, or shoulders. The suit speaks in a haughty tone, addressing Vassily as “Prosha” and demanding papers. Anna continues to sob, shouting about “the devil” and a “cat” that entered; the scene spirals into incoherent accusations and frantic dialogue.
Police officers enter, calm the situation, and the terrified Anna is led away. Vassily exits, feeling bewildered, and proceeds to the affiliate of the Spectacles Commission on Vagankovsky Lane. The affiliate’s vestibule, noted for its porphyry columns, is crowded with onlookers watching a weeping girl behind a table of literature on spectacles. Telephones ring incessantly. The girl suddenly bursts into hysterical song about “Glorious sea, sacred Baikal,” joined by a messenger on the stairs singing a discordant duet, later followed by a choir of scattered voices. Passers‑by watch as the singing builds, then stops abruptly when a doctor and a policeman intervene, administering valerian to the girl.
Vassily approaches the girl, asking if a black cat visited; she replies sarcastically, calling the cat an “ass.” He learns the affiliate’s manager has been organizing numerous clubs (Lermontov studies, chess, canoeing, etc.) and that a strange “specialist” with an odd mug has been recommended for choral‑singing clubs, prompting the staff to sing uncontrollably. Eventually three trucks arrive, loading the entire affiliate staff (including the manager) onto the vehicles; they depart for Professor Stravinsky’s clinic.
Finally, Vassily reaches the financial sector, where a clerk behind a frosted‑glass window with a “Cash Deposits” sign initially refuses his request. After the clerk closes the window’s grille, Vassily repeats his need for a deposit slip; the clerk, amused, hands him a green slip. Vassily fills it out, unties the string, and discovers the bundle contains foreign currencies (Canadian dollars, British pounds, Dutch guilders, Latvian lats, Estonian kroons). A hostile voice shouts “There he is, one of those tricksters from the Variety!” and Vassily is promptly arrested, ending his frantic day.