Chapter Eighteen

Chapter 191,375 wordsCompleted

Offred lies in bed, trembling and comparing herself to the sound of a glass rim being wet. She visualizes being with Luke, his hand on her pregnant belly, and a storm outside that mirrors her inner unrest. She laments the lack of love and the death of everyone she could love, describing ghostly images of dead faces flickering like saints in candlelight.

She wonders if she can be blamed for desiring a real body and describes self‑stimulation that feels dry and lifeless, likening it to dried rice or snow.

The narrative shifts to a detailed, imagined reconstruction of Luke’s possible death: he is pictured lying face‑down in a thicket of bracken, his clothing vivid in her mind, his face fading, and a bullet hole through his skull delivering a final flash of darkness.

She then envisions an alternate scenario where Luke is alive but imprisoned on a grey cement slab, unshaven, with ragged hair, bruised eyes, a fresh wound on his cheek, and a foul smell like a caged animal. She ponders why the authorities would keep him alive, suspecting he knows something they need.

Offred speculates that Luke may have escaped, crossed a river, found shelter with Quakers, received clothing and coffee, and become part of an underground resistance network that smuggles people inland. She believes the resistance exists because crime must have a source, and she anticipates a secret message arriving in an unexpected, mundane way (perhaps hidden under her plate).

She adopts a contradictory belief system, holding simultaneously three versions of Luke—dead, captive, and fugitive—while clinging to the hope that a future message will guide her to safety and reunion. Finally, she notes a gravestone near an early church bearing an anchor, hourglass, and the inscription “In Hope,” and questions whether hope belongs to the dead or the living, wondering if Luke still hopes.