Chapter Forty-Five

Chapter 45714 wordsCompleted

Offred feels a sudden, empty breath after realizing a woman has died, granting her a brief sense of safety. She opens the gate and finds Nick, the Guardian, silently washing the family car while whistling, appearing distant. In a prayer‑like monologue she vows to do whatever God or the regime demands, rejecting the Red Centre teachings and pledging self‑sacrifice, yet also insisting she will keep living by any means. She walks past the garden’s flower beds and a willow tree toward the back door, planning to find refuge in her own room, where she imagines collapsing onto her knees and breathing the stale, furniture‑polished air.

Serena Joy emerges from the front door, standing on the steps, and calls to Offred. Offread wonders whether Serena wants help winding grey wool, but proceeds because she feels she has no choice. Serena towers above her, her eyes a hot blue, and says, “I trusted you. I tried to help you.” She accuses Offred of vulgarity, pointing out lipstick on a cloak, and then drops the cloak. She reveals another object—her hand all bone—and throws it away, scattering purple sequins that glide down the steps like snakeskin. Serena mutters, “Behind my back… You could have left me something,” then raises her cane but does not strike. She commands Offred to “pick up that disgusting thing and get to your room,” calling her a “slut” and warning she will end up like the other woman.

Offred stoops to gather the sequins, feeling the weight of Serena’s accusation. Behind her, Nick ceases whistling, and she momentarily wants to turn and embrace him, but knows that would be foolish; there is nothing he can do. She walks to the back door, enters the kitchen, places her basket down, and then ascends the stairs, maintaining an orderly and calm exterior as she returns to her room.