Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter 391,576 wordsCompleted

The Commander obtains a room key from the front desk and, while Offred waits on a flowered sofa, shows it to her with a sly gesture. They ascend in an elevator described as a “glass half‑egg” past vine‑draped balconies and enter a hotel suite that is exactly as it was in the past: heavy flowered drapes, matching bedspread, square‑cornered bureau and bedside tables, lamps, and wall pictures of fruit, apples, flowers, buttercups, and Devil’s paintbrushes.

Offred tells the Commander she needs a minute and retreats to the bathroom. She wipes the ringing in her ears with a wet washcloth, notes the presence of individually wrapped “gypsy” soap from Spain, inhales the disinfectant, and listens to distant water sounds. The familiar sounds of toilets provide her a strange comfort, prompting a comment that bodily functions remain democratic. She sits on the bathtub edge, remembers how towels once excited her, and recalls a conversation with Moira about her mother’s supposed death, leading to a fragmented flashback about her real mother’s disappearance.

In the flashback, Offred and Luke search for her mother after she fails to answer phone calls. They confront the apartment superintendent, learn she hasn’t been seen, suspect a heart attack or stroke, and break into the apartment. The scene is chaotic—overturned furniture, ripped mattress, drawers dumped—but her mother is missing. Luke urges them to call the police; Offred resists, and Luke insists they cannot wait. The aftermath leaves Offred grieving and convinced her mother is dead, though she repeats the loss to herself.

Returning to the present, Offred stands before a large mirror under white light, observing her disheveled state: smudged mascara, bleeding purplish lipstick, loose hair, tawdry pink feather costume, missing sequins, and cheap makeup on borrowed clothing. She wishes for a toothbrush, notes the passing of time, and reminds herself she must return home before midnight or risk being “turned into a pumpkin.” The calendar indicates tomorrow’s Ceremony; Serena Joy expects Offred’s “service” tonight, and the Commander is already waiting, pacing the main room.

The Commander pauses at the bathroom door, clears his throat, and Offred turns on the hot water tap as a signal of readiness. She washes her hands, steels herself against inertia, and steps out to find the Commander lying on the king‑size bed, shoes off. She lies down beside him without being told, weary and preferring Serena’s presence instead. The Commander initiates a conversation about tomorrow, suggesting they “jump the gun.” Offred coldly asks why he brought her there. He begins to stroke her body, moving from her shoulder down her left leg, stopping at her ankle where a Braille‑like tattoo—described as a cattle‑brand—signifies his ownership of her. He rationalizes his touch as “for a change,” calling it an experiment, and mentions that she wanted to know.

He begins to undress, revealing a small belly under his shirt. He attempts to pull down one of Offred’s straps and slides his hand among her feathered costume, but she feels deadened, like a dead bird. He suggests turning the lights off, appearing disappointed. Offred notes his lack of uniform makes him look smaller and older, like something drying. Internally, she wrestles with the futility of the encounter, urging herself to “fake it,” to move, breathe audibly, and get it over with, recognizing the need to comply to survive the impending Ceremony.