Chapter 15

Chapter 153,425 wordsCompleted

The chapter opens with Liudas Vasaris bitterly describing his life in the seminary as a monotonous, mechanistic routine that turns him into a “klierikas.” He declares that his motives for staying are opportunistic but insists that he still possesses idealism, prompting him to make a solemn vow to become a vicar who will focus on pastoral duties: visiting the sick, organizing a choir, fighting alcoholism, engaging with the press, and possibly writing. He swears to abstain from alcohol, card games, and romantic entanglements, promising to resist the first two completely and to limit the third to modest levels.

During a solitary walk Liudas encounters his close friend Eigulis. Eigulis advises him not to over‑intellectualise prayer, to accept the Eucharist, to find peace in silence, and assures him that ordinary clerical work does not require mystical experiences. This pragmatic counsel temporarily eases Liudas’s anxiety about his spiritual emptiness.

Encouraged, Liudas attempts poetry again. He composes a few verses and shows them first to Eigulis, who criticises them as too pessimistic, and then to the senior student Sereika, who praises them as “hot, enthusiastic” and urges him to write more. Liudas notes that his earlier poems still feel intimate and warm despite their melancholy tone.

On 28 April his father arrives at the seminary with a box of cookies and various gifts. The father narrates his own hardships, describes a chance meeting with a priest’s cousin in Kleviškis, and explains the family’s modest financial situation. The visit makes Liudas acutely aware of his humble origins and the social connections surrounding the seminary.

The narrative then shifts to 1 May, when Liudas vividly recalls the 1906 student celebration on the Šešupė riverbank. He remembers singing revolutionary songs, feeling youthful enthusiasm, and the collective excitement that contrasted starkly with his current spiritual fatigue.

On 25 May Liudas becomes consumed by thoughts of Liucė, the priest’s adopted daughter. He deliberately walks alone during recreation, imagines a fairy‑tale scenario, and later describes a night‑time journey: a storm, a hidden manor, an encounter with Liucė in a moonlit garden where she confesses love, followed by a boat ride on a lake under the moon. The vision merges his clerical identity with romantic longing, leaving him torn between his priestly vocation and personal desire. He reflects on the fantasy’s absurdity, acknowledges its emotional power, and worries about its impact on his future ministry.

The chapter concludes with “Sekminių antroji diena” (the second day of the seminary retreat). Liudas writes and shares two new poems with his peers. He observes that the newer verses, while praised for their enthusiasm by Sereika, feel alien to him, yet they still evoke a warm feeling in his chest. He ends the day aware that his internal conflict—between the yearning for genuine spiritual experience, the pull of romantic fantasy, and a pragmatic resolve to fulfill his future duties as a vicar—remains unresolved.