Chapter 78

Chapter 782,187 wordsCompleted

After Liucija’s suicide, Liudas Vasaris is overwhelmed by a cold, hollow emptiness. He shows Auksė a handwritten decree from the diocesan curia that condemns his behaviour and writings. Liudas likens the paper to a Rubicon, saying that crossing it would leave no return. He jokes about Caesar’s hesitation but asks Auksė how he should act. Auksė teases him about needing a muse to inspire his Latin, and Liudas explains the decree: it orders him to wear a habit, live in the parish rectory, conduct recitations, refrain from theatre, and submit all his writings to spiritual censorship. He laments the narrowness and hypocrisy of the Church hierarchy, comparing it to a prison that tolerates compromise when useful but persecutes dissenters. Their dialogue oscillates between sarcasm and genuine frustration, exposing Liudas’s growing resentment toward clerical constraints and his yearning for artistic freedom.

Shortly after, Liudas walks alone to the cemetery, entering through the iron gates and moving toward Liucija’s grave. He pauses at a marble cross and a granite slab that bear her name, noting how the letters glint like fire in the sun. He rests his head on the stone, recalling his childhood: the fear of clouds, the view from Aušrakalnis, the forest fires his father lit, the songs along the Šešupė, the monotone chant in the seminary chapel. These memories cascade, mingling with images of the baroness’s cauldrons, the baroness’s laughter, and the bitter taste of his former lover’s betrayal. The procession of his thoughts slows as he feels the past and present merge, and a sense of release begins to stir.

Motivated by the emotional surge, Liudas returns home, sits at his desk, and takes the decree in his hand. He lifts a fresh sheet of paper and, in large letters, begins to write a formal declaration addressed to the vicar’s curia: “NN vyskupystės kurijai Liudo Vasario PAREIŠKIMAS.” The act signals his resolve to confront the Church’s demands on his own terms and to embark on a new creative interval in his life, marking the end of his deep mourning and the start of a renewed artistic and existential purpose.