Chapter 73

Chapter 733,251 wordsCompleted

At the start of the chapter Liudas Vasaris feels his life has become settled; he has refused to return to seminary duties and now devotes himself to writing, while still keeping a few Catholic habits out of habit. He reflects that he still holds a general Christian worldview but rejects many formal Catholic dogmas, wishing to fashion a personal, subjective religion. He continues to attend Sunday Mass and feels a pang of conscience when he fails to fulfil the obligation, yet he disregards other clerical rules.

After a recent trip to Kalnynai, Vasaris is plagued by a series of disjointed, symbolic dreams. In one dream he looks into a magical mirror that reflects his subconscious, then experiences a flood of images: returning home late with Stripaitis, hearing a motor’s roar, falling asleep, and entering the Kalnynų church to preside over a Mass. The senior cleric Platūnas blocks his way, shouting that Vasaris has not confessed for three years, and mocks him with “Cha‑cha‑cha.” The scene shifts repeatedly—first to a collapsing church tower, then to a seminary chapel where candles burn and clergy kneel, then to a banquet with a bishop distributing communion. A lady named Glaudžiuvienė appears, embraces Vasaris, and kisses him. Later he imagines an examination before a committee of the bishop, Severinas, and an unknown lady Rainakienė, where he is repeatedly asked “Osculavi Caiam?” He awakens ashamed, feeling the dream exposed his deep inner contradictions.

Vasaris tries to find a psychological or physiological explanation for the visions but finds none, concluding that his soul still harbours unresolved turbulence and “seeds of future change.” He notes that his habit of performing some Catholic rites (e.g., attending Mass) persists more from habit than belief.

During a funeral service (nekalto atindimas) Vasaris suddenly sees a luminous woman in white at the altar. The vision lifts his melancholy; after the service his classmates joke about his newfound liveliness, praise his singing, and Petryla tells him that Liucė will soon arrive at the seminary. Inspired, Vasaris decides to sit in the front row at the next service hoping to glimpse the mysterious woman again.

Motivated by the emotional surge, Vasaris writes his first poem, has it printed, and is admitted to the secret clerical society Šviesa. He meets senior seminarians Petras Varnėnas and Matas Sereika, deepening his studies of philosophy and logic.

The chapter then moves to the Christmas period. Vasaris meets the visiting priest Kimša and Kimša’s relative Liuce. Liucė, now a lay guest, appears; Vasaris gives her handmade gloves, and Petryla teases him about the exchange. A brief clash with Kimša over liturgical duties heightens Vasaris’s inner conflict between his poetic aspirations, his lingering affection for Liucė, and his clerical responsibilities.

The most extensive scene is a long conversation with his confidante Auksė. Auksė chastises Vasaris for obsessively worrying about the future, arguing that over‑thinking creates obstacles and that action in the present shapes the future. She urges him to live in the moment, saying “the present creates the future” and that priests who constantly plan for tomorrow become paralyzed. Vasaris tries to explain his fear of marriage under Catholic law, his reluctance to abandon the priesthood, and his sense of being torn between love for Liucė (and for Auksė herself) and his vocation. Auksė counters that his doubts and “future‑anxiety” are the very things preventing him from acting.

The chapter ends with Vasaris still undecided. His internal battle—between the desire to remain a priest, to pursue poetry, and to embrace a romantic relationship—remains unresolved, leaving the question of his future path open. New characters introduced or highlighted include the mysterious woman in white, the secret society Šviesa, senior seminarians Varnėnas and Sereika, and the confidante Auksė, whose philosophical counsel deepens Vasaris’s crisis.