Chapter 60

Chapter 602,839 wordsCompleted

Liudas Vasaris’s candidacy for the position of gymnasium director is finally approved by the school board, the bishop, and the education minister. On the opening day of the new school year a large delegation of clergy—priests, professors, members of parliament and the education minister—gathers, and the first Mass is celebrated by Vasaris himself. His ordination is announced publicly; teachers begin calling him “kunigu direktorium.” He continues his civil duties but now must also conduct Sunday Masses, hear confessions, and perform other sacramental functions, a schedule that quickly overwhelms him.

Three months pass unnoticed. The workload of managing the gymnasium, preparing lessons, attending meetings and performing priestly duties leaves him no time to finish a drama or edit a poetry collection. He still lives with his friend Indrulis and meets occasionally with Varnėnas, Stripaitis and Professor Meškėnas, but his social life collapses. He still longs for Auksė, the American woman he once loved; he sees her only a few times from a distance, each encounter leaving a lasting impression.

During the theater season Vasaris buys a ticket to the opera “Pakalnės” and sits in the front‑row stalls. A couple sits beside him—a lady he recognises as Liucija Brazgienė and her husband Povilas Glaudžius. He realizes she is now married, that her husband runs a substantial materials‑manufacturing firm, and that their son Vytukas is preparing to enter the gymnasium. Their brief conversation, full of surprised smiles and cautious politeness, shows how Liucija’s outward elegance and cold composure have replaced the warm, provincial girl he once knew. Vasaris notes the stark contrast between the former Liucija of his youth and the current, sophisticated baroness‑like figure, and wonders what feelings, if any, remain.

After the opera Liucija tells Vasaris she will try to meet him again “more often,” hinting at future encounters, but his demanding duties prevent him from doing so over the coming holidays.

Returning to the gymnasium, Vasaris is plagued by a deep conscience crisis. He questions whether his participation in Mass, hearing confessions, and distributing Communion are genuine acts of faith or merely formalities forced upon him. He debates internally whether to continue the priesthood, to leave it, or to find a way to reconcile his civil responsibilities with his spiritual calling. He feels trapped in a “double‑life” that threatens to expose his hypocrisy.

Later that week he meets with his colleague Kun. Stripaitis, who teases him about rumored affairs and mocks the sincerity of his priestly work. In a sarcastic exchange both men deny attending confessions, revealing their mutual pretense. Stripaitis argues that neither truly lives as a priest, encouraging Vasaris to “live as you wish” while avoiding scandal.

Soon after, lawyer Indrulis drops by, carrying a newspaper and a political agenda. He provokes Vasaris with sharp questions about the Church’s stance on Lithuanian‑Polish language disputes, the role of clergy in politics, and the moral legitimacy of the sacrament of confession. Their heated debate escalates, with Indrulis accusing Vasaris of double‑standard and Vasaris defending his limited authority. The conversation ends without resolution, deepening Vasaris’s inner turmoil.

Professor Meškėnas, observing Vasaris from a distance, comments to a colleague that the young director‑priest appears “supasaulėjęs” (completely worldly) and lacks any spiritual depth, reinforcing Vasaris’s sense of inadequacy.

Throughout the chapter Vasaris experiences a flood of contradictory thoughts: he recalls his past loves, his poetic ambitions, the moral weight of his priestly duties, and the fear of being discovered as a hypocrite. He feels his conscience tightening, wonders whether suicide or abandonment could free him, yet perceives no viable exit. The chapter concludes with Vasaris standing at the crossroads of vocation and desire, his inner conflict unresolved and his future uncertain.